Tales of an Anxious Soul

The topic of forgiviness has been on my mind alot lately. This last Sunday was Fast and Testimony Meeting, and someone spoke on the power of forgivness. I thought I had forgiven all who had wronged me, and caused me pain in Jr. High and Highschool but I hadnt. I was still holding in emotions and anger towards alot of people. One in particular. I went on facebook yesterday to look up the message I had sent to the individual who had shouted across campus to me in Jr High. I was very dissapointed in what I had said to him. My words were a horrible representation of me as a person and also a bad represention of someone striving to become fully active in the church. I decided to send another message and this is what I said    "Dear, ****** I know you probably won't see this message, as you haven't seen the other ones I sent in the past. You have been on my mind off and on since I have began blogging. I was wrong to message you a few years ago. I was mad and hurt and I didn...

I have been thinking a lot lately about the stigmas there are that go along with being a member of the LDS faith.   For us males, we get the priesthood at 12 years old. Once we are 12 there is a sort of responsibility that is placed on us. Typically we are to be in scouts, eventually get our Eagle. When we turn 14 we move up in the priesthood from Deacon to Teacher.   When we turn 16 we become a priest. By now we are typically supposed to be preparing for a mission. I love that the church encourages the guys to go on missions. Missions are amazing and life changing for those who are able to go on them that is. I think up until recently I was feeling down and depressed about going on a mission because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that pressure. Especially dealing with the same gender attraction.   Too many times there are guys who come home early due to depression, or anxiety, or even slipping up with their same sex attraction. I was so paranoid about one of these ...

Why do we as humans categorize each other into different groups? It has always fascinated me that some people have to refer to others by their race, religion, sexual orientation, political views, etc. Why is that? In high school I got put into the "gay" box, just like some people get put into the "black" box,  "democrat" box, "wheelchair" box, and many others? Why is it so offensive sometimes? I feel, the reason it is offensive or belittling is because it shouldn't matter. Who cares if someone is Black, Mexican, or Asian? Who cares if someone is gay, straight, asexual, bi-sexual, transgender, or any other? That is so ludicrous. Saying any of these things or categorizing anyone by these groups sounds just as ridiculous as saying someone is "human". I was hurt and offended in high school because I wasn't completely gay. If anything, I considered myself more bisexual and I hadn't even talked to people about my attractions. Peop...

Dear Everybody, I realize that in my last post, I did not give the necessary credit to my parents. This process has been very emotional, and a big learning experience for my whole family and I. My parents I have learned are my biggest cheerleaders. I should have known that before, but due to my own stubborn way of thinking and over analyzing I thought they wouldn't like the idea of me being so open about these struggles. I couldn't have been further from the truth. I had an amazing conversation with each of them separately yesterday and was able to explain why I had those uncertain thoughts before. I seriously could not have asked for better parents. Sure this is a lot for them to wrap their minds around. They have their own emotions they have to go through and figure out as do I with my emotions. They as parents naturally think of ways they could have prevented various things from happening and ways they could have protected me from people at school, my negative thoughts,...