Tales of an Anxious Soul

Hello fellow humans 😍 As many of you know, I am currently in a two year therapeutic community for drug and alcohol treatment. I'm open about it. I have no shame in the fact that I have needed help. One of the beautiful things about this program is this letter you have to write about the worst time in your addiction, and what were some things that lead up to your substance abuse. You have to open up and put your balls to the wall. Really open up your old wounds and tell the 50 guys here everything about yourself so they can get some insight into what your life was like before coming into the program. It has been about a year since I read that letter in front of everyone who is in the program with me. After my last blog post I began reminiscing on that time, and I realized how much of a turning point it was in my program. (Side note: I know there are some good parts of the LDS church. It’s not all bad. But maybe that’s a bit Stockholm syndrome(ish) of me. And no. My whole life w...

You have been a part of my life for nineteen years. This is where I leave you. It was good until it wasn't. I stayed until I felt like death would be better. This is where I leave you. Why do you feel the need to be so complex? You have the meaning of life, but in the end, that meaning did not apply to me. I cannot conform to your idea of a man. I won't conform to the ideas of societies and organizations. I am me, myself, and I. You live in a box, and if people step out of that box they are wrong. We are raised to believe one thing. We are raised to be closed minded. We are raised to "love" but with conditions. We are raised to be "Christian" but not Christian. You are right. Everyone else is wrong, but at least you try to sound nice. You say things with "love" but when you break your love down, it is only conditional, gut wrenching, and distasteful. You say God loves us the most but if your Gods love is tha...

I am new to this whole blogging concept but I don't know any other way to get my thoughts across clearly. As many of you may know, I am currently and have been for a while now preparing to serve an LDS mission. whether that's a service mission or a full time mission it doesn't matter. It's a mission no matter what. It has been an interesting journey for sure. When I first began seriously considering serving a mission I had expressed past feelings of anxiety, depression,  and yes some minor self infliction as well as using substances to numb the pain. While these things at the time were somewhat under control I was directed to LDS family services, to go through some assessments to see if I was in the position to be away for a whole two years. After taking a series of tests. I met with the counselor and we discussed it may be best if I wait a little bit and perhaps move out of my parents house so I could work on managing my stress and anxiety levels. I'm going to b...