Tales of an Anxious Soul

As many of you know I have been going through a lot lately. When I say a lot I really do mean A LOT. I won't get too into it with you because it will literally make you so depressed you will not want to finish reading. I'm ok now though! I know when I originally started this blog I stated that I had or was living with SSA. I have since then changed my stance. No I didn't change it, I am just now getting to the point where I am comfortable saying "yes. I am gay". Now, I have no idea what this means for me. As for right now I can not see myself marrying a guy or doing anything like that, but I do know that I have been really depressed because I have not felt completely like myself. I have felt lost and alone. I know my "changed point of view" will upset some people, and to be honest that's perfectly fine. You have no idea how hard this is for me or how hard it is staying in the church while also being crazy attracted to guys. I can not even count all...

Dear friends and family, This is NOT a suicide letter. This is however, a very open letter to everyone so you can all see how my life is not some amazing fairy tale.When I first started blogging on here, I felt like that was the way to be happy. Yay! everyone knows I'm attracted to boys. I thought that would somehow make life easier. It did too a point. I finally stopped caring about how people saw me. I no longer worried about what my style of the day was, or what fad I was going to follow. I just started dressing however the heck I wanted and I still do, because it feels so amazing to not care about other peoples opinions. One persons opinion that started being more prominent was mine, however. I started being my worst critic and saying the most negative things to myself and I started to believe it. On top of all of this, I stopped praying, I stopped reading scriptures, I stopped caring about the church and about the gospel therefore I began to slip away in all aspects. I hav...

The topic of forgiviness has been on my mind alot lately. This last Sunday was Fast and Testimony Meeting, and someone spoke on the power of forgivness. I thought I had forgiven all who had wronged me, and caused me pain in Jr. High and Highschool but I hadnt. I was still holding in emotions and anger towards alot of people. One in particular. I went on facebook yesterday to look up the message I had sent to the individual who had shouted across campus to me in Jr High. I was very dissapointed in what I had said to him. My words were a horrible representation of me as a person and also a bad represention of someone striving to become fully active in the church. I decided to send another message and this is what I said    "Dear, ****** I know you probably won't see this message, as you haven't seen the other ones I sent in the past. You have been on my mind off and on since I have began blogging. I was wrong to message you a few years ago. I was mad and hurt and I didn...

I have been thinking a lot lately about the stigmas there are that go along with being a member of the LDS faith.   For us males, we get the priesthood at 12 years old. Once we are 12 there is a sort of responsibility that is placed on us. Typically we are to be in scouts, eventually get our Eagle. When we turn 14 we move up in the priesthood from Deacon to Teacher.   When we turn 16 we become a priest. By now we are typically supposed to be preparing for a mission. I love that the church encourages the guys to go on missions. Missions are amazing and life changing for those who are able to go on them that is. I think up until recently I was feeling down and depressed about going on a mission because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that pressure. Especially dealing with the same gender attraction.   Too many times there are guys who come home early due to depression, or anxiety, or even slipping up with their same sex attraction. I was so paranoid about one of these ...