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Showing posts from 2016

God is Not Mormon

Dear church members, and leaders A year ago today I didn't want to go home. A year ago today I showed up to my best friends house in a drunken stupor. A year ago I stayed the night with my best friend Lindsay. A year ago today I learned that when I get married, my kids will have no place, no purpose in a church I believed to be true. A year ago I was defined as an apostate by men who don't know me one bit. A year ago today I wanted so badly to end my life because I had no idea what direction to go. What was the point? A year ago I lost whatever respect I had left for the leaders of the church. A year ago I began the journey of finding myself for the very first time. I had grown up believing what I was told was true, what I was told to believe. I was so sheltered. So naive. In a way, I'm thankful the leaders excluded me. I'm thankful to have distanced from my old belief system. My mind has been opened so much to the world. I am so blessed to be able to be a free thin

The Suicides They Forgot & My Plea to Those Contemplating

Let me first start off by saying how heartbroken the last several months have left me. It started out with my reaction to the Mormon church's exclusion policy. That was the last push I needed. It left me with so many negative feelings about everything. I hated the church, I hated the leaders, and most of all I hated myself. A good amount of you have been made aware of the growing number of youth/young adult suicides within the LDS church the last several months. I, like many others wish I could have done something to help. I wish I could have offered some sort of message of hope, or even just held them. I never even met them... I can hardly imagine how hard its been for their loved ones. Why are we losing so many precious souls to suicide within the LDS church? My answer is this; There is no message of hope or love given within the church for our LGBTQ youth. They have even said that we aren't defined by our sexuality in the church... yet the church is favored towards het

Your Pain in the Hands of Their Pleasure

Any names mentioned in this post have been replaced:  Some of you may be friends with me on Facebook, and for those of you who are not; I have been posting quite a bit about rape, college rape, sexual misconduct, etc. I have emotions and feelings that are scattered all over the place when it comes to this topic because of the Mormon background I have, the fact that I'm gay, and I have found myself in a date rape situation a little over a year ago. Now, I in no way want to type this as a a way to have pity taken upon me. I'm not looking for peoples sympathy. What happened, happened and I have been able to move on. I do hope to be some sort of help to people. I have been very careful about putting this out there because of rape culture, and how people view those who have experienced sexual misconduct.  I really don't have a specific order of how to go about typing this, as I said before my thoughts are kind of all over the place. I guess I could start from the beginning a

Love is Not Rocket Science

Recently I received a message from someone in my old singles ward. I thought that it was a question a lot of people may be wanting to ask me and I think I have an answer to it (at least what I think at the moment) I figured it would be good to post the question on here and answer it for all of you to see just in case multiple people have the same thought. Here is the message I received "I've noticed a couple times you have posts in regards to how you hope the church builds a better connection with the LGBT community. In your own words, what exactly do you think Mormons are lacking understanding on and you want to see improved? I know it can be hard to interpret tones in messages so just know this a sincere question. I'm not typing this with a sneer on my face." I know in the past I have voiced how I felt that the church should be more accepting of gay individuals. At the moment it will take a while to fix the hurt that is in the church right now. I have placed my ho

Done Living for Others Solace

When is one supposed to find themselves? We are born and brought up into families, religions, communities etc. We are taught various ideas and beliefs to then take on into our adult life. What happens when you truly discover yourself? or what happens when a person decides that there may be more to life than what you have been brought up to "know". Everyone seems to expect you to stay the same innocent person you were when you were young. I've come to the realization though that you do change. I spent so much time while I was young conforming and forming into something I knew I wasn't and now that I am confident to actually say what I feel people seem to think that I'm not the "same" person anymore... well truth is nobody is the same person they have ever been. We grow, we fall, we make mistakes, we make choices that others deem as mistakes. I'm learning that there are some people who you can't voice your opinions with because they will just n

God's Got This

Several months ago I was introduced to Mission Community Church by my amazing friend Lindsay, and it was so different from what I was used to. Over the course of the last few months we have all aware of what's gone on with the some of the LDS church leadership in terms of LGBTQ individuals feeling welcome. The people of the church for the most part have been loving and accepting, but when it comes to the heads of the church I can't see myself enjoying being in their presence. People who you have grown up being taught to love, respect, and sustain. They do the exact opposite towards you and you feel a sense of betrayal. It's hard for me to enjoy being at church no matter how loving people are, because I can't help but feel pushed away from the leaders of the church and looked down upon. I know some people still attend no matter what because they are just used to it, or they are just pleasing their friends or family. I've learned though that I need to stop pleasing th