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Showing posts from December, 2017

Nose Candy: Tales of a Disaster Artist

As most of you have realized, I am still home. I fell a few weeks back and we thought I might have broken one of my ribs. Luckily though it is just soft tissue damage. I am waiting to heal before I begin the program at the ranch. I thought I would open up about this addiction I have. One thing that I don't vocalize enough is how annoying it is when people tell me what my addiction is. They honestly have no idea. It's not their fault though. I haven't told people everything. I am not an alcoholic. It is just legal and you can get it cheap. I am addicted to something though. I am addicted to blurring out my thoughts and numbing the pain that life causes or seems to cause at times. I also have become the master of sabotaging my life and those around me. I adapt very easily and I find the next thing to numb how I am feeling. For a little moment in high-school (around junior and senior year) that would have been binging and purging, only eating one time a day, overuse of laxat

Convalescing.

I thought about making my title “This is Where I Leave You Part II” but I decided against it because I’m not leaving for a permanent period, I’m just going away for a while. I need help. I’m not afraid to share that publicly, because honestly I’m just happy I’m alive. The last few months have been some of the toughest in terms of depression. Stopping my medication really threw me for a loop and I honestly have never fantasized about suicide more frequently. At one point I started outweighing the pros and cons. I even priced out the funeral expenses. Things were getting really out of hand in my head. With all of that being said, my drinking has gotten even further out of hand. Mostly to fill in my void of happiness. In the past I have had more of a dependency, with multiple drunken nights. However now I literally have been drinking every day. When I’m not drinking I think about when I can drink next. It always seems like the next drink is the cure. Obviously that’s not true, but that