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Sunday, February 26, 2017

Letter to the Church Presidency




Dear Presidency,

I have been a loyal and believing member of the church my whole life up until a few years ago. I am gay, and because of that there is no place for me in this organization. I know many will try to make it work, try to justify your policies, and try to find a footing. Though if I ever found a bishop who loved and accepted me and gave me a calling like many have done (maybe without your knowledge). Who’s to say my next bishop would continue treating me like a human being?

There is a growing pandemic in your midst that you seem to be oblivious to. Gay people are real. Yes I know you think we should all just be celibate and be alone the rest of our lives. If we embrace the church as the true and living word of God then we should be set for life. Have you thought what it would be like without your spouses? What if you flipped the roles? I may be leaving the church and its patriarchy, but you can still do something to help the youth and many others who feel like the only hope they have is suicide.

People are dying and the amount of ignorance in this church and I guess religion in general is incredible. People claim to have a love for God but they can’t even love their fellow man. Instead they set rules, regulations, policies, and expectations that they themselves would never be able to accomplish. You say that the words you speak are spoken with love, but that is a strange definition of love you have. Imagine being in a church that you thought was true and those leaders said that if you married the opposite sex then you would be disciplined, add on top of that: If you had kids then they could not join the church until they have left your home and denounced your marriage to your wife.
Now I put that into a heterosexual perspective because it seems like some people still need to have the roles flipped for them to understand. 

You believe very strongly in families but in reality you created a policy that could break families apart. I am happy I understood that is not Godlike. This was quite an ungodly step in the wrong direction. I really hope that for the up and coming generations you can create a more loving and accepting environment. I know this may take 50 years but I hope it happens sooner.

Attached is a poem I wrote. It is my raw emotions that I know many people share. I know you may very well not read it. I hope you do though. This is where I leave you.

Sincerely,
Proud Apostate  

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

This is where I Leave You



You have been a part of my life for nineteen years. This is where I leave you.
It was good until it wasn't. I stayed until I felt like death would be better.
This is where I leave you.
Why do you feel the need to be so complex? You have the meaning of life,
but in the end, that meaning did not apply to me.
I cannot conform to your idea of a man.
I won't conform to the ideas of societies and organizations.
I am me, myself, and I.

You live in a box, and if people step out of that box they are wrong.
We are raised to believe one thing.
We are raised to be closed minded.
We are raised to "love" but with conditions.
We are raised to be "Christian" but not Christian.

You are right. Everyone else is wrong, but at least you try to sound nice.
You say things with "love" but when you break your love down,
it is only conditional, gut wrenching, and distasteful.
You say God loves us the most but if your Gods love is that kind of love,
I will believe in my God. The one who understands, the one who loves me.

I spent so long believing in you, depending on you.
In the end you had nothing left for me, I was left to fend for myself.
You had no answers for me because I wasn't born the way you wanted.
I wasn't born the way your God intended. I am a mistake to you.
I am broken.

For a while I believed in you. I tried my hardest to make sense.
What was the point to my existence? I must pretend. I like Men, but in order to be in the presence of God I must marry a woman.
Let me ask you, if the roles were flipped would you marry the same gender?
Imagine being told that your love for your wife was wrong. Imagine the fear of eternal damnation because of the one you love.
Imagine the leaders you were convinced and conditioned to love and follow,
were really just 21st century men with 20th century opinions.

We are taught not to read outside of the belief system, we are taught others are wrong. They don't have the full truth.
I ventured. I read. I investigated. Things are sugar coated, things are looked over. It makes sense now.
I feel better about my decision. I am not pointless. I have a place. My place is out side of this church and that is fine by me. My religion is love. Love without conditions. Love without limits.
Today I resign, and this is where I leave you.



- Forever your apostate,
Zach. 💕